Disclaimer!
I have no idea what I was talking about, I mean I had some loose ideas but for the most it’s bullshit. I am “you” and my victim is “stranger”. Now, lets begin shall we?
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: I LOVE TAYLOR LAUTNER
You: Health and prosper I bestow on you sir or madam.
You: How is one this fine day
You: ?
Stranger: alright
You: Just alright? Is one not filled with the glory of life and love?
Stranger: hahah good one
Stranger: im listenin to music right now
You: I don’t see how you could derive humor but alas whatever tickles ones fancy?
Stranger: because u asked if today was filled with love and its not
You: Ah music, it is fine Baroque times we live in.
You: Oh all is not full of love? What about Sir Lautner?
Stranger: haha
Stranger: he is famous he is an actor but he is my fav actor/famous person
Stranger: and he is sooooo hot
You: An actor? What playhouses has he performed in? I’d stay away from those types, they delve to deep into the opium dens and attend sodomy functions.
Stranger: yes a hot actor
Stranger: and wat takes u so long to type?
You: If he is so hot he must be running a fever and should go sans haste to the barber to be bled.
Stranger: WOW
Stranger: tht wasnt funny
You: I have to get used to this new typing machine, I much prefer shorthand and the midnight express to carry out my correspondence. Your forgiveness I implore
Stranger: wat the heck takes u soo freakin long to type
You: I hath already explained myself madam
Stranger: its annoying soo i m gonna leave and u talk funny and ur language is annoying
You: Sorry madam
You: good journeys
Stranger: OMG STOP
You: I don’t speak any strange tongue, I speak english like a true englishman, like the king himself
Stranger: stop talkin in ur freakin midevil language
You: Not medieval madam, georgian
Stranger: WHAT EVER
You: After all it is king george who rules over this great nation
Stranger: what ever language ur r speakin its quit annoying aoo u can either stop talkin like tht or i will leave if u keep speakin midevilly
You: I don’t see what the problem is but I shall make an attempt to simplify my diction.
You: I have failed
You: I accept the greatest punishment
Stranger: what punishment?
You: For failing you, whatever deed you see fit shall be done.
Stranger: i have no freakin clue wat u r talkin bout
You: Before I pass madam one thing, Knock knock?
Stranger: ok good bye
Stranger: i m leaving in
Stranger: 5
Stranger: 4
Stranger: 3
You: please madam carry out my last wish, knock knock?
Stranger: 2
You: please
Stranger: …………………………………………………………
You: madam
Stranger: 1
Stranger: 0
Stranger: BYE
You: knock knock?
Stranger: disconnet
Stranger: disconnected
You: what?
You: I simply wish to bring humor into your life with my parting gasp
Stranger: i m gonna disconnect
You: please madam knock knock?
Stranger: 5
Stranger: 4
You: no dont count down please
Stranger: NOO
no knock knock jokes
You: knock knock madam?
Stranger: no
You: just as my final wish
You: then I shall cease
Stranger: no u r rude
You: knock knock?
Stranger: soo noo
You: I be not rude
Stranger: yes u be
Stranger: GOOD BYE WEIRDO
You: I held me tongue against your brashness and met it with kind wit
You: please madam knock knock?
Stranger: wat??
You: disco
Stranger: huh?
You: disconnect
You have disconnected.
In memory of Poe, Stoker and Lovecraft.